Oh, Chris I first met you when we were in France -
one winter season back when we were young, care free at heart.
Yeah, we would shred by day and sing by night, in the valley with a box of wine.
Good times that would never end.

Oh, many things have changed and almost 10 years have gone past -
Some people never leave you, certain things in life will last.
Yeah, we've travelled in a van through foreign lands, wrote plenty of songs about the times we've had,
been around the world but always come back.

And I'm glad that you're here, and I hope that you're happy,
Even though you sometimes have to play songs without me,
But I hope you'll have a wonderful life and you'll always sing... together with me.

Oh, Lucy I first met you when we were in Greece -
I was was room mates with Chris and we were working on the beach.
Yeah, we'd spend every night with a glass of wine - the wine was cheap, but the views were fine.
It felt like those nights would never end.

Well, life was perfect until I went away for a few weeks -
And when I came back, I had been kicked out on the street.
Cos you had come out for a holiday, you got a job and then you'd stayed,
You moved in with Chris and stole my bed.
But I'm not bitter about it, I'm so glad that you found him
and you stole him from me and now you've gone and got married
Now you'll probably have kids and a wonderful life and all that shit... but it should've been me...

Oh, Chris I have to tell you if she ever treats you bad
I'll swoop right in and whisk you off - to the life we should've had.
Yeah, together how it's meant to be - me and you, yeah, you and me.
Good times that'll never end.

And Lucy watch your back, keep one eye over your shoulder -
Cos when I win him back, well, you can't say I never told ya;
That you might be great, but this is fate - and I know that I've had to wait.
But some things in life are worth waiting for...

But I'm glad that we're here and I hope you're both happy,
And you make each other be the best people you can be,
Do anything to make each other smile and have a wonderful life... but it should've been me...

Rudolph was a red nosed reindeer, he had a very shiny nose.
If you saw that cat, then you might think that that muthafuckas nose could glow.
He's out cruising round town with Santa. Dropping presents from their reindeer sleigh.
And to pass the time, they'd have a glass of wine and turn the stereo up all the way.

Singing Christmas tunes all the the songs they knew, but then to their surprise
Yeah they didn't expect what would happen next - A Christmas song to light up the skies.
When the beat kicks in Christmas cheer begins and everybody's toes start tappin'.
Have you heard the news, it's the Christmas groove, yeah the wine club is Christmas rapping.

Ring rang a dong on Christmas Day -
It's the most winterest holiday.
Ho ho ho. It's Christmas Day .

Christmas rappin' on Christmas Day -
Christmas dinner and a Christmas sleigh.
Ho Ho Ho. It's Christmas Day.

Opening your presents on Christmas Day - eat a mince pie and then
We're going to drink a glass of mulled wine, and then we're gonna rap a bit again.

2021 you'll remember, we wrote a Christmas song about Morzine town.
Now a year's gone by and it feels like time we made a change to the Christmas sound.
Cos as the bells begin to jingle and Christmas spirit starts to fill your ears -
the sounds all day on the radio waves are the sound of festive cheer

Songs of driving home for Christmas, roasting chestnuts on open fires.
Yeah, folks dressed up like eskimos and carols sung by Yuletide choirs.
Cos Nat King Cole was a merry old soul who didn't know what was about to happin'.
Yeah he didn't have a clue and then out of the blue the wine club started Christmas rapping.

Ring rang a dong on Christmas Day -
It's the most winterest holiday.
Ho ho ho. It's Christmas Day .

Christmas rappin' on Christmas Day -
Christmas dinner and a Christmas sleigh.
Ho Ho Ho. It's Christmas Day.

Opening your presents on Christmas Day - eat a mince pie and then -
We're going to drink a glass of mulled wine, and then we're gonna rap a bit again.

Yeah my name is Chris C-H-R-I-S, M-C that's me and I am the best.
At Christmas time, I can't help but rhyme , yeah, the flow flows through me at Christmas time.

Yeah D-J-D to the A-V-E - I'm rapping every day like Miker G.
And Sven said when do you feel the rhymes? I feel them most when it is Christmas time.

Yeah grab your presents - Christmas wrapping
Roll of paper - Christmas wrapping
Sellotape - Christmas wrapping
And a nice name tag - Christmas wrapping

Make some rhymes - Christmas rapping
Feel the beat - Christmas rapping
Holiday - Christmas rapping
Yeah, Christmas time, yeah Christmas rapping

Opening your presents on Christmas Day, eat a mince pie and then -
We going to drink a glass of mulled wine and then we're gonna rap a bit again.

Jingle bells all the way - I spilt the gravy can you pass me a napkin?
I was just enjoying my Christmas dinner then the wine club started Christmas rapping.

I'm stuffed with stuffing, full of Christmas food, pretty soon you know I'm gon' be nappin
Until I hear the tunes of The Wine Club groove, yeah you know they're fuckin' Christmas rapping.

Rudolph flies by and his ears are flappin' as he grooves to the tunes of the Christmas rapping.
On Christmas Eve and your presents need wrapping, as you listen to the latest Wine Club song...
Yeah the groove is flowing and the bass is slappin', everyone goes wild for the Christmas rapping.
In France they call a rabbit a lapin - The Wine Club is Christmas rapping.

Opening your presents on Christmas Day - eat a mince pie and then -
We're going to drink a glass of mulled wine, and then we're gonna rap a bit again.

She's got eyes and they on her face - either side of her nose in the usual place.
And when I look into them I find it's kinda awkward cos I can't decide
which eye I should look at and I can't look at both at the same time.
She's got ears of proportional size, a nose on her face and a couple of eyes,
yeah, if you could see her then you would agree that her face is alright.

She's got lips and the glisten and shine from the layer of saliva that's retained on the outside.
And when she smiles I can see her teeth - hard dental enamel that she used to eat -
to masticate her food so she can swallow with ease.
She's got legs and they keep her upright - she's got one on the left and also one on the right.
From her hips to the ground her legs go all the way down until they stop at her feet.

And whenever I see her smile I go weak in the knees - my doctor says it's early onset arthritic disease.
And my heart skips a beat every time that I am with her - he diagnosed it as acute cardiac arrhythmia.
And I need a pacemaker

Yeah she's got hair and it's on her head - it's the kind of hair you'd expect from what I just said.
It's not too short and it's not too long, some bits are kinda brown and some bits are quite blonde
I don't know, maybe she dyes it - maybe she has a wig on.
And when she's washing it it takes all night - lately she's been washing it all of the time.
But if you could see her hair you would agree that her hair is fine.
It's totally fine.
And her face is alright.
Yeah she's quite alright

Love hacks - here's a few you can master.
Even if your life's a total disaster.
Listen up cos here's some great advice: always give her compliments and tell her that her hair looks nice.

Even if you don't mean it, always try to be sweet.
Even if you are selfish, vain, unapproachable, somebody that she never would have wanted to meet.
You can say that her smile is great or you like that dress - anything that hides the fact your life is a mess.
Never let them see the disappointing real you - always tell them lies, yeah never let them find out the truth.

Never come home late and pass out on the floor.
Don't forget your keys and wake her up at 4am banging loudly on her front door.
Blindy stumble to the bedroom and then end up peeing in the wardrobe cos you thought it was the WC.
Never let them see the incompetent you - always tell them lies, yeah never let them find out the truth.

Love hacks - here's one you can work on:
just remember you're a terrible person.
There's some things you never want them to see - pretty much everything about your personality.

Here's some hints and tips to not being alone cos you see
Only your mother could love you, but if you're lucky enough, then you'll need:

Love hacks - here's one you can learn from:
A sense of humour is a brilliant turn on.
But listen up cos here's a thing you should know - think before you speak, it's proabbly it's better if you keep your mouth closed.

Don't tell inappropriate jokes, or swear in front of her gran.
Don't criticise her mothers cooking or the family traditions and try not to ever hit on her dad.
Always hide your offensive sense of humour, because your terrible behaviour isn't simply a rumour.
Never let them see the inappropriate you - always tell them lies, yeah never let them find out the truth.
Yeah, never let them see the disappointing real you - always tell them lies, yeah never let them find out the truth.

Yeah, she's just like wine.
She's just like wine, cos there's nothing you can do that ain't better if you simply add wine.
Even if it's just wine
Cos wine and wine is a very good time, either red or white, it doesn't matter, no I really don't mind.

Yeah, she's just like wine.
She is full bodied, with a sweet aroma.
Yeah, she's just like wine.
Cos she's leggy and bold, fruity on the nose. With an oaky finish.

Yeah, she's just like wine (red wine).
Because the ones you want - you can never afford them.
Yeah, she's just like wine.
Because the best ones have a hole in the bottom you can stick your thumb in.

We go together like peanut butter and jam,
A slice of cheese and a slice of ham,
Like the moon and the stars at night, shining bright, yeah - we go together like Torville and Dean,
Like Teddy and Mr. Bean,
Yeah, like Barry Chuckle and his brother - you can't have on if you haven't got the other.
Like Being French and being rude,
Being American and getting sued,
Like Tories and sleaze,
We go together like pods and peas.
Yeah, like a shirt goes with a tie,
We go together like a cheap red wine on a balcony in Greece, or a cold and snowy French street.
Yeah, we go together like Luke and Yoda, Keenan and Kel, or like Kel and orange soda.
Like the birds go with the bees - you wouldn't think that that would work but apparently it does.
Like Renn and Stimpy, Patrick and Bob Like Frodo and Sam or like Watson and Sherlock,
Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, like Shaggy and Scoob, yeah, together, yeah we go like:
Some tonic and gin,
Like moving words around so that it's easier to ryhme them.
Chow mein or an egg fried rice on the sofa on a Friday night.
We go together like we're on the same team,
Like a strawberry that's dipped in cream,
Yeah, side by side like we're on a roller coaster,
2 pieces of bread put inside the same toaster.
You're the fish - and I'm the chips,
You're the sugar and I'm the liquorice of a Sherbert dib dab,
And I think that we go together like a robin and a manbat.
A log fire on a cold dark night,
A pay per view event for a heavyweight prize fight.
Like roll goes with rock,
We go together like socks.

I'm Chris, I'm from The Wine Club
Welcome to our EP.
We'll play songs you've never heard of
You'll forget them instantly.

There'll be laughter, joy and tears
From the pain brought to your ears
As we tell you all our stories from the road throughout the years.

This is Dave - I'm from from the wine club
Please enjoy our songs.
But if you've never heard our music please don't try to sing along.

Crank the volume high not low
Until your speakers start to smoke
And it'd be great if you wouldn't mind politely laughing at our jokes.

So raise a glass, sit back
Relax and enjoy the tunes

This is our tribute to the highway
To living life on the road
Yeah, two men with a ven but without a plen
Just seeing where the journey goes

These songs are keepsakes - they're our souvenirs
Of memories throughout the years
And now we'd like to share them all with you.
So get ready for track number 2...

We were on our way to Morzine town
Things were going great tll the van broke down.
We had a jump start from this friendly guy
But then our luck ran out when some stones went flying
And they chipped the windscreen, cracked it through, the only option was to fix it with some superglue.

These are our notes from the road.
It was 200 euros to fix it and we didn't have that much cash.
Notes from the road.

Out the back of the van one night to get some air
There were strange folks hanging around out there.
When a guy pulls up and asks if I
Would like to make a quick 50 bucks that night.
He was very polite but I had to decline - to his credit he persisted for one more try.
Maybe I would oblige if I was that way inclined - for another 50 bucks I might

These are our notes from the road.
I could have made 100 euros - on a cold dark night in Lyon.
Notes from the road.

Well we're here to tell some stories of the things that we have seen.
The smell in the van after one whole week without a shower or a place to pee.
6 days on the road trying to make it home, by day 7 we were getting close.

As we headed on down to Annecy
For a hot meal, cold beer and some scenery.
But the Jenny D had blocked the road
All the shops were shut and the pubs were closed.
We were lost and hungry, not feeling so right, we had bread for dinner, what a terrible night

These are our notes from the road.
But on that misty Sunday morning we did yoga by the lake.
Namaste!

We're heading south west to catch some sun and sea, and maybe a wave or three.
We're loading up. Will we forget something? Maybe, definitely.

But it doesn't matter, cos where we're going you don't need things.
Just you and me and the road to be free.

Because I don't feel at home unless there's four rubber wheels between me and the ground.
And if they're rolling, and the engines making a low rumbling sound
Well, all the better. cos it means that we're heading somewhere that we love,
Or probably lost, looking for somewhere new, waiting to be found.

We're waking up - so much to see, surrounded by beauty.
Oh what the fuck is that I see taped to the windscreen?
I think it's a ticket. Why did we not pay for the parking?
Oh no. Too slow. Time to go.

Let's hit the beach - relax and chill, and have our fill of sun.
Will you do my back? What do you mean we don't have sun cream?
I look like a lobster. I'm pink and peeling - you said we didn't need things.
Oh yeah - I didn't mean literally, I meant it more metaphorically.

Like I don't feel at home unless there's four rubber wheels between me and the ground.
And if they're rolling, and the engines making a low rumbling sound
Well, all the better. Cos it means that we're heading somewhere that we love,
Or probably lost, looking for somewhere new, waiting to be found.

This kinda sucks.
We're cold and hungry, lost and lonely.
I miss all my things.
Why did I leave them, I definitely need them.
Maybe it doesn't matter.
We can get through this , we can totally do this.
Cos what's life without plight?
And you know that despite all this:

I'll never feel at home unless there's four rubber wheels between me and the ground
And if they're rolling, and the engines making a low rumbling sound
Well, all the better. Cos it means that we're heading somewhere that we love,
Or probably lost, looking for somewhere new, waiting to be found.

There's a pile of glass, shattered to shards sitting next to me.
And I'm pretty sure, it belongs in the door and not in pieces on my passenger seat.
Cos it seems some prick, got hold of a brick, but as you can see -
Yeah, I got me some tape, some cardboard cut to the shape roughly of the window that I need to replace.

Yeah I've heard it before, that's what insurance is for, but that's not my mentality.
Cos if we can fix it, then why wouldn't we?

If it's a little bit bended and it's not meant to be
We can probably mend it semi sufficiently.
If it's a little bit broken, or smashed or come loose
We can fix it with some cardboard or some tape or some glue.
Yeah we need minimal tools unless it's totally screwed
We can mend and make do.

A broken snowboard is easily transformed into a shorter board.
If it snapped when it bent then you just cut of the end, it doesn't matter if its functional anymore.
If your bike's been in the rain and it's rusted the chain there's no need to fret.
Grind the rust away give it some silicone spray, now it doesn't matter that you let it get wet.

You say I've broken it more, yeah, it's worse than before, and that's not how it should be.
If we can try to fix it, then why wouldn't we?

If it's a little bit bended and it's not meant to be
We can probably mend it semi sufficiently.
If it's a little bit broken, or smashed or come loose
We can fix it with some cardboard or some tape or some glue.
Yeah we need minimal tools for temporary improvement
We can mend and make do.

The mirror from the side of your van is laying on the ground
Knocked off by some rowdy youths with no mechanics for miles around
With a couple of screws we can mend and make do
Add some tape and it's as good as new.
Doesn't matter if it's functionally shit - if it's attached then we can call it fixed yeah!

If it's a little bit bended and it's not meant to be
We can probably mend it semi sufficiently.
If it's a little bit broken, or smashed or come loose
We can fix it with some cardboard or some tape or some glue.
Yeah we need minimal tools but now it's totally screwed
We can mend and make do.

8 days in a van without much to eat.
Well, I'm going crazy from the lack of food and from the lack of sleep.
Some sustainance now, some way or how is what I need.
If I could only find a way to get me a slap up feed.

I've heard fruit tastes good but I don't believe the rumours.
And a bag of nuts is just food for losers.
I don't want no biscuits no, give me some cheese and onion.
If I was scoring them then, I'd give them 9 out of 10, yeah I'd eat them again,
Yeah I'm addicted, I'm a crisp abuser

Yeah we're the connoisseurs of crisps, we're the snack reviewers,
We've had 17 likes from our YouTube viewers.
We like to snack, kick back, have a chat, drink a beer and all that.
We eat crisps by the bag, any flavour will do,
Yeah, we're snacking every day cos it's our favourite food
Any time, day or night is right. Give me some crips and I'm feeling alright.

So you can take your granola bar
Hold it tight and shove it straight up your...
Ask yourself what's better than potato chips?
And if you tellin me you'd rather eat a rice cake then you're talking...
Shift your platter of fruit, that's not a snack, it sucks
Don't try to tell me that it's healthy cos I don't give a...
Fundamentally speaking when it's time for a snack
I'm gonna head towards the crisps and grab me a bag.

Cos we're the connoisseurs of crisps, we're the snack reviewers,
We've had more than 17 likes from our YouTube viewers .
We like to snack, kick back, have a chat, drink a beer and all that.
We eat crisps by the bag, any flavour will do,
Yeah, we're snacking every day cos it's our favourite food
Any time, day or night is right. Give me some crips and I'm feeling alright.

Oh Maccy D's is the place to be in the morning cos their coffee's cheap.
The toilets might not be so clean, the staff aren't friendly but the WiFi's free
There's plenty of plugs and they're free to use - and bringing an extension is totally cool
So for less than a Euro - yes that's it! To charge your phone drink a coffee and take a shit.

Oh, road hacks help you so you can live inside a transit van.
From central France to the coast of Spain, when you're trying to find a campsite in the pouring rain.
On the mountain tops all covered in snow. When you've got no insulation and your heaters broke.
On the motorway, the city or the country road, 'til you run out of gas and then you have to get towed.

Don't park at the supermarket when it's late on Sunday cos they'll lock the gate.
The city can be friendly til the sun goes down, but things get strange on the edge of town.
An industrial zone's a great place to park, but odd folks go there after dark.
So if you find yourself in Lyon and you need cash quick, you can make 100 bucks by sucking a dick

Oh, road hacks help you so you can live inside a transit van.
From central France to the coast of Spain, when you're trying to find a campsite in the pouring rain.
On the mountain tops all covered in snow, when you've got no insulation and your heaters broke.
On the motorway, the city or the country road, 'til you run out of gas and then you have to get towed.

One man, one van -
Now you're a man with van.
Two men with ven -
Now the adventure can begin

Here's some advice from the road, things you should know.
Driving can get boring if you're all alone.
You can play fun games to pass the time,
Practise the guitar or drink some wine.
Take the scenic route and see the sights
If the van breaks down well that's just life.
Boulogne sur Mer is totally shit
Unless you want to eat authentic French Welsh rarebit.

Oh, road hacks help you so you can live inside a transit van.
From central France to the coast of Spain, when you're trying to find a campsite in the pouring rain.
On the mountain tops all covered in snow, when you've got no insulation and your heaters broke.
On the motorway, the city or the country road, 'til you run out of gas and then you have to get towed.

So you call out your roadside recovery, only to find out that it expired yesterday...

From the bench outside the restaurant to the balcony beside the sea.
From the snowy street and frozen feet to life in London city.
Yeah, through all those times and precious wines, those broken chords and shitty rhymes.
Yeah, we'll be fine with red or white, and a box or jar we'll be alright tonight.

Hands on, eyes on, look to the horizon,
Safety in the sun, sitting, chilling with no lights on.
Pass the coffee, only thing you know we've got none
Go ahead and laugh because you know it doesn't cost much.

Having bread with added cheese and if it freezes push the grill down.
Push your luck and double up before it runs out.
Wasting mornings telling stories 'til you found out
Everything that happened on the night before you missed out on.

Take some wine and grab a seat and on the balcony beneath us is a dog that's riding stood up with a side view.
We're eating snacks and chatting facts, stacking boxes back to back, and hanging flags up on the wall with pegs and tac blu.
Park the van and roll to town to have a skate and look around, then later on we'll pick a spot to have a sing to
A boat or beach or street or bar, we're just here for having laughs, and singing songs and drinking wine is all that we do.

From the bench outside the restaurant to the balcony beside the sea.
From the snowy street and frozen feet to life in London city.
Yeah, through all those times and precious wines, those broken chords and shitty rhymes.
Yeah, we'll be fine with red or white, and a box or jar we'll be alright tonight.

Take some time out to find out to hide from the fame how you supposed to live in this world you can't hide now.
Headed south so fast, breaking glass, can this last - take it back to the start and we'll find out.
Smoking goats all afternoon to find some beer that's got no booze
We'll drink it down and find out where does a man go?
To Gypsy Hill or Spitalfields? I'll have a pint or better still
I'll have it with a slice of lime and some mango?

We've got more notes and roads, mending things that broke, can they fix it will they or won't they?
Back with snacks and wraps, hiking, bikes and that - we'll rally back in fact cos this is only
The start - it's hard - to find the rhymes at times. But bare in mind we're refined this ain't no booze up.
Soaking in the sights on balconies is nice, drinking wine all night cos we're The Wine Club

From the bench outside the restaurant to the balcony beside the sea
From the snowy street and frozen feet to life in London city.
Yeah, through all those times and precious wines, those broken chords and shitty rhymes'
Yeah, we'll be fine with red or white, and a box or jar we'll be alright tonight.

Christmas comes but once a year - sleigh bells, lights and festive cheer.
Carols sung out in the square, hot mulled wine, snow in the air.
But behind the laughter, beyond the snow, there's something else that you should know:
That as the yuletide tidings are drawing near, it brings happiness but also fear.

Because the chalet's overrun with kids
And they've eaten all the food prepped in the fridge.
Grandads hips don't work no more
And there's 12 icy steps to the chalet front door.
Well Christmas presents, they've brought them all
Now there's wrapping paper wall to wall.
The uncle's pissed in town, he wont make it in time
So is it okay to push back dinner until half past 9?

The table is set and the turkey is served, but there's 3 vegetarians who haven't said a word.
You'll be cleaning up this mess 'til January the 3rd - that's the chalet workers Christmas.

And there's punters clogging up the roads
Because they've never driven in the snow.
And they didn't practise while they were at home
How to put the snow chains on.
Dad says he knows what to do
But the chains are tangled and his hands are blue.
The instruction paper's wet and torn
And the queue behind is 5 miles long

The chains go on, thank Christ alive, but he forgot the Beemer's is rear wheel drive
And from your van you watch it slip and slide - that's the transfer drivers Christmas.

Well grandma last skied in 73
She wants her DIN´s set to 9 despite her dodgy knee.
Her goggles look like they were old back then
But her sallopettes are in fashion again.
Dad wants a snowboard cos he learnt last year
He found it pretty easy and he knows his gear.
He needs step in bindings cos they're the best
And GoPro mounts and for his head and chest.

The twins hate skiing, mum insists they try, but they're fighting with their poles and poke you in the eye.
There's 12 more fits and you want to die - that's the ski technicians Christmas.

So on Christmas Eve if you're very still
Listen hard and hope you will
Hear a Ho Ho Ho or a reindeer sleigh
But it's not just jingle bells all the way.

Cos if you listen closely when you're all alone
You'll hear tears of sadness, a collective groan.
Just the fuck will they all go home?
In Morzine and it's Christmas.

Right, let's get started.

Ooh, yes.

Hmm... right.

Cheers.

Saunte.

Are you, uh...

Ready?

Yeah, cool. Let's go.

Let's shred, I've got some new threads, and my pockets got my phone and my van keys.
We're hit the Stash and we're filming some laps, with my boys from the Jam Society.
These days are the ones that I'll save.
That I'll remember for the rest of my days.

And now it's rail sesh 'til the landing's a mess and my hip flask is running on empty.
To Carrefour we'll get a beer or two more and the good times are flowing a plenty.
These afternoons are the ones that I'll save.
That I'll remember for the rest of my days, so I say:
What a lovely day.

Get on the bus, with minimal fuss and we make it back to town for a beverage.
Just one more, maybe 3 or 4 and the beer starts to take up some leverage.
These evenings are the ones that I'll save.
That I'll remember for the rest of my days.

And now my eyes blur and I'm starting to slur as I stumble my way to the dance floor.
Lights and sounds, spinning around and I don't know what else I could ask for!
These nights are the ones that I'll save.
That I'll remember for the rest of my days, so I say:
What a lovely day.

What's this? Something's amiss. This definitely isn't my front room.
That box of chips, smells just like sick... I check my pockets, but get, nothing yet, just an impending sense of doom.

I dropped my van keys in the Stash.
My hip flask is bent and cracked.
I've left my iPhone on the bus.
My jacket's gone, every things gone!

Oh these days are the ones I won't miss.
I won't remember because I was too pissed.
Wait.. this isn't Morzine... I think it's Les gets...
How did things end up this way?

Oh this day I never wanted to come.
But I can't undo the things that I've done.
And I know what I must do...

I'll have to post on Morzine Crew.
I'll do the post of shame.
List all the things that I've lost.
And I'll never drink again.
It's probably futile anyway
I've only got myself to blame.
I can write some words, learn 3 chords
Post a song in the Morzine Music Awards.
Maybe save some dignity.
Or maybe get my jacket back.
Maybe I can save some dignity
But probably not.

I wake up early in the morning
Get myself ready.
I check the avalanche warning
It says OK.
Get off the bus, but why the fuck are all these people standing in my way?

There's a queue at the bottom of the Pleney today,
When all I wanted, I thought it would be sick in Les Gets.
I could stand here for hours in this puntery sea,
But Mont Chery will have to wait for me

I get on the petit train
After waiting 15.
We're four deep, there's piss on my seat, and someone's poking me in the eye with a ski.

And there's queue at the bottom of the Super Morzine,
When all I wanted, I thought it would be sick in Zore trees.
I could stand here for hours in this puntery sea,
Or get a beer and bus from Mairie.

I'm waiting, I'm waiting for the A bus to get to Prodains Express.
The bus pulls up, but what the fuck?
There's no teamwork, there's no dreamwork, it's a fucking mess!

No one's getting on the bus if no one gets off.
And no one's getting off unless you move to let them get off.
So if you get off, then they get off, then you can get back on...

Fuck the M bus to Ardent, it's quarter past 3.
Robo's opens in an hour, I can grab a demi.
I won't stand here for hours in this puntery sea.
I'll go to Rogers, then Dixie, then Beanies, then Haka, then O Chalet, then the Bec Jaune, then Cafe Chaud, then Cavern, then Tibetan, then Opera, then Rude Bar, then we'll finish up the night in Paradis...

No matter where I go I know that part of me will always be in Rogers Bar
Charcutterie inside me, fresh poured pint sat right beside me yeah, that's where we are.

But I value an accurate description of events -
So it's probably more like around fourteen or fifteen percent of me that will always be in Rogers Bar.

No matter where I go to be more accurate I know that 14 or 15 percent of me will always be in Rogers Bar.
Charcutterie inside me, fresh poured pint sat right beside me yeah, that's where we are.

Although a pint is a measure that is imperially defined.
And in France there would actually be half a litre in the glass sat right beside me yeah in Rogers Bar.

No matter where I go to be more accurate I know that 14 or 15 percent of me will always be - well probably not always, that's a bit over the top, but will sometimes be in Rogers Bar.
Charcutterie inside me, fresh poured half a litre sat right beside me yeah, that's where we are. There was a small selection of French cheese as well, to just the cured meats.

Oh, and also I realise I don't specify who the we is in this song.
At the start it was just me and then some more folks just came along and joined in at Rogers Bar.

So, no matter where I go to be more accurate I know that 14 or 15 percent of me will sometimes be in Rogers Bar - but not literally.
Charcutterie and selection of various cheeses inside me fresh poured half a litre sat right beside me yeah, and then some friends turn up and that's where we are.

But the longer things go on, we've missed the whole point of this song
The initial idea was for us all to sing along.

No matter where I go I know that part of me will always be in Rogers Bar
Charcutterie inside me, fresh poured pint sat right beside me yeah, that's where we are.

Mountain hacks for the times that
The money in your pocket's almost gone.
You want a fancy meal for a budget deal
Here's mountain hack number one:

Because I can have a fondue,
And you can too.
Just follow these steps for some excellent food.
Buy a block of cheese like a Roquefort,
Bang it in the microwave at Carrefour.
Don't forget a fresh baguette.
Dip it in your cheese like the restaurants do -
That's how you make a poor mans fondue.

Mountain hacks for an achey back
Here's a fun thing you can do.
When your legs are tired and your muscles hurt
Here's mountain hack number 2:

Cos I can have spa day
I'll show you the way -
Just make friends with a host from a chalet.
Convince them that the crew won't be there for long
When there's no-one home and the guests are gone.
The fancy chalets in town
Even have slippers and gowns.
And if the chalet host complains just ignore what they say,
That's how you have a poor man's spa day.

So little cash so much to do.
If you need some help, we're here for you.
Here's our favourites that we've picked - cos there ain't no problem we cannot fix.
You need a mountain hack for the time that you need a photo for you Instagram feed?
With the crew and the food and the banging view
Here's mountain hack number 3:

But I can have a mountain meal,
With the sunset,
We're gonna have a night that you won't forget.
Get the last lift up, wait for folks to shift.
Whip out a 6 bang and a bag of crisps.
The views are the best.
But don't forget to clean your mess.
And if you get to cold, just drink until you can't feel,
That's how you have a poor mans mountain meal.

Well I don't remember much about last evening.
But the pounding in head is giving me a funny feeling.
And I can't quite put my finger on the reason.
But I'm pretty sure that was the most amount of beer I've drunk this season

I don't feel like this headaches going leave anytime soon
I just woke up it should be Friday,
but it turns out that it's Sunday afternoon.

Well it just have been the MFA.
If you can't get out of bed for days.
If you could or speak or find your phone then you'd order takeaway.
It must have been the MFA.
The hangover never goes away.
Cos it's best night of the season but you can't remember anything at all.

Now the memories barely half intact, but they're slowly coming back.
Maybe it's the beer or all champagne that we had.
And I can recollect some lights and lots of noise.
At least a thousand people laughing, drinking, singing out with joy.

A man in spandex on a stage was the last thing I know I could see.
There was 20 films or more maybe -
But my memory gets shaky after 3.

Well it just have been the MFA.
If you can't get out of bed for days.
If you could or speak or find your phone then you'd order takeaway.
It must have been the MFA.
The hangover never goes away.
Cos it's best night of the season but you can't remember anything at all.

I swore I wouldn't touch the champers - even though it's free,
But photos from the night are telling me a different story.
I said last year this time wouldn't be so bad,
We'd keep it calm and watch the films - make sure things don't get out of hand.
But turned out just exactly as I feared.
And I sure as shit can't wait until next year.

Well it just have been the MFA.
If you can't get out of bed for days.
If you could or speak or find your phone then you'd order takeaway.
It must have been the MFA.
The hangover never goes away.
Cos it's best night of the season but you can't remember anything at all.

If it's raining in town,
it's probably snowing up top.
We all hope that it is,
but we know that it's not...

Meet the boys for a beer -
be at Roger's at 6.
But then it's 3am
You're accidentally pissed.

Let's get first lifts.
We'll queue at quarter to 8.
But in the morning you're hungover,
In bed and 3 hours late.

Theres' an empty bus,
You glimpse a comfortable ride.
But the bus speeds past
and leaves you by the roadside.

If the punters are all
making their way to the Stash.
We hope the take offs are good,
but we know that they're trashed.

We'll go to Changas for lunch
And have a slap up feed.
But the queues out the door
and you can't find a seat.

We're heading back to Chapelle.
A few laps would be sweet.
But when you get to Tour
the queue is 400 deep.

So we just go home.
What a day it's been.
And despite this shit,
We still love Morzine.

This one goes out to all the shapers, the makers - the booters they create us.
Without them I don't know how long it would take us.
Building fresh new features every couple of weeks, whilst I'm laying in bed - hungover, asleep.
We give thanks and praise to you every day when the crew heads up to Chapelle to pray.

And to the lifties there pushing their buttons.
Don't worry cos we haven't forgotten.
To the beardy guy, I don't know his name, to brings a smile when I see you working on Prolays.
And for just one time on just one day I'd like to take a lap together down to Linderets

Yeah, Shafty's is criminally underrated - his finger licking chicken is the best I've tasted.
Maybe he bastes it, or marinades it with 11 herbs and spices, who knows how he makes it?

And Mr. Bus man, mate, thanks for the drive.
Even if you're late and or maybe never arrive.
You help me stay nice and warm whilst I'm drunkenly talking, so I don't mind waiting cos it's better than walking
To Apres or Prodains or back into town.
You're always driving around and around and around.
So I don't blame you for looking just a little bit bored, but we're giving our thanks so please don't feel ignored

Yeah the unsung heroes working through the night, bashing fresh clean corduroy til morning light.
All the Carrefour ladies it's your goods that entice us, even though you know that we know you despise us.

This one's to those that we never get to say: Thanks for helping us through the day.

And to the holy can, the fabled brew - Lager Lager we love you.
Cold or warm before the day is through, I'll have a pack of 6 bang with the rest of the crew.

Kiwi send a message, "what's the crew up to ce soir?"
"I've just finished work and now I'm heading to the bar."
No one replies until Sion says "Hi, I got home at a quarter past 4.
Then I had an idea, I could go for a beer, and I went straight back out for more."

Tomek texts, "I'm coming next - I'll be there in 25".
We know he'll make an Irish exit out the back door on the quiet but the session is alive.
And Baker's in, he's calling Brin and Pompa's on his way with Tom.
Seb is out and Brad's about, you know the sesh is on. Because...

Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
Never going home, you know you'll never be alone, there's always someone here to drink a beer and chat a bit until it's lit.
Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
Cos if the boys are going out we'll all be there without a doubt, no you'll never be alone, there ain't no way we're going home yet.

Hugo's laying face down on the table out for the count.
I guess it's getting pretty late, he's getting old, he's had a coupla beers since he came out.
He sits up in the corner, makes an order, sips his beer until his glass is running dry.
Says "I'll double back Arare tomorrow, bring the camera…", I know the sesh is on tonight.

Then later Jonno takes us all for a wander round le Cret.
He's a great tour guide by the cover of night and they still haven't caught him yet.
Sweeping without fear, he's mining beer, cos he found out he's been fired
On his birthday for the second time, I think the session is required.
Because...

Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
Never going home, you know you'll never be alone, there's always someone here to drink a beer and chat a bit until it's lit.
Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
Cos if the boys are going out, we'll all be there without a doubt, no you'll never be alone, there ain't no way we're going home yet.

Dave is out it's Monday, open mic at Chaud Cafe.
We'll play some songs and get them wrong and laugh the night away.
That's the crew, barre one or two, we might have missed some out.
We try to be inclusive and we're never that elusive so come give us a shout.
And I'm Chris, I'm pissed, I've been drinking here since about twenty past 2.
If you want to pull a chair then you can sit right over there and I'll have a beer with you.
See, the boys are coming later, I can introduce you right.
we're the Jam Society and the sesh is on tonight. Because...

Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
Never going home, you know you'll never be alone, there's always someone here to drink a beer and chat a bit until it's lit.
Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.
If you want to join the song then go on and shout along, you know you'll never be alone, there ain't no way we're going home yet.

Jam Society, oh we're the men of the sesh.

The season is gone and spring sprung anew.
We'll raise a glass, sit back, relax, enjoy the view.
If you see the Men of The Sesh raise up a beer.
If you're sitting in Rogers Bar well I wish was sitting near.
In half term don't get the blues - it'll be over soon.
You may lose your phone and your jacket but but the stories are worth it too.
If it's raining in town, don't worry, it's snowing up top.
But sometimes I wonder if that was true... Was it or was it not?

Did Roger even like us? Did he think that we were lame?
The bus was never comfy and it barely ever came.
We did go to the Stash, but never landed any tricks,
All the French guys called us punters and they thought that we were dicks.
You were barely there, you were sitting in the flat,
Drinking wine out of a box - I read it all on the group chat
We never got first lifts, we were always far too smashed.
Didn't ride much powder when we got there it was tracked.
Was it really 4:15 when Sean went back out for more?
Maybe he was just passed out and dreamt it laying on the floor.
I might not have had a night so crazy that I woke up in Les Gets,
But it's true I can't remember shit about the MFA.
Did we end in Paradis or did we never get that far?
And I'm pretty sure that Hugo never double back Arare.
Were 1000 people laughing or did they think our film was shit?
Do I laugh at spandex trousers cos I found him kinda fit?

Is the wine to blame?
Even if it didn't happen,
I'd do it all again.